I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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