If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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