You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
