He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
