My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
