Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
