i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
