The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
