So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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