she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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