That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize