Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is Oprah even human
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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