nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
