i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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