the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
