thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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