I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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