I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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