Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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