there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
