Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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