I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
