Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize