My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
