What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
