Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
