let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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