She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
