alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
