They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
