I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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