now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
