we're chasing vodka with high fives
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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