alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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