you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
whose ass print is on the piano?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
