Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's get the cat blown out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
