She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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