I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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