so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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