I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
