I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
