If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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