just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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