i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
