Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize