yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
