idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
