SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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