He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize