i just sent this text using only my big toe
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
