Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my being single is dangerous.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
