I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
