my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
