Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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