I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
