This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
