i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize