Sry I called you an 8
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
