If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
