My first STD was from a foam party
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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