Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
