based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize