I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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