I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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