Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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