Michael Bay diarrhea
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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